巴黎雷歐《情緒管理十二講》第三講 決策，可能是偽裝的逃避 [原創]

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巴黎雷歐《情緒管理十二講》第三講 決策，可能是偽裝的逃避[原創]

第三講 決策，可能是偽裝的逃避

城市傳說告訴我們，我們在生活中經常使用逃避的方法，并從中獲得愉快。因此，這就是為什么我們如此熱衷于逃避而不是積極地去處理我們生活中的真正問題的主要原因。

現在，讓我來告訴你，為什么我們在生活中經歷的艱苦決策過程也很可能是一種逃避。

這種城市神話的危險是顯而易見的。如果我們深信，逃避是一種令人愉快的困擾，我們無法擺脫，那么我們會認為，我們正在面對真正的問題，只要目前的經驗是不愉快的。雖然這個理論有一定的道理，但我們遠遠沒有看到全貌。

故事是從我很小的時候，11到12歲之間開始的。

我的家庭購買了我們的第一臺家用電腦，它的功能非常強大，在那個時代。從那時起，我就癡迷于電腦硬件了。當我上高中的時候，我們的電腦很舊了，我夢寐以求的是更新的和更強大的筆記本電腦。我一直閱讀電腦雜志，查看廣告和最新的配置，并想象一旦我得到它們我會做什么。直到今天，我還是會每天在工作中不斷地查看IT新聞網站。

到目前為止，看起來沒有什么異常，對吧？等等，還有更多。

我想，你們都可以說，你看東西越多，就越想抓住它們。這正是電子消費行業的運作方式。你真的需要所有的小玩意兒嗎？你真的需要每年更新嗎？答案是，我們不喜歡它的期望，我們是否定它的促銷的。所以，我的癡迷不僅僅是檢查最新的PC產品，而是一直在計劃購買。當談到一個新的筆記本電腦的千歐元購買決定，我會花很多時間比較和分析市場上更好的選擇。當然，我也有一種沖動，經常購買一種新產品。

給你一個例子，在過去的兩年里，我扣下了不少于5到6個蘋果、Think Pad和戴爾等全新筆記本電腦的扳機。你可能會認為，在這么短的時間內，PC購物太多了。我完全同意你的看法，所以，我已經退還了所有的產品，感謝他們方便的退貨政策。

現在事情變得有點失控了，對吧？起初，我認為這是一種強制性的行為，我必須妥善處理。過了一段時間，我想，我可能會對一個電腦硬件上癮。我甚至在網上尋求幫助，看看是否有其他人和我一樣。令我大吃一驚的是，在一些以怪癖為導向的論壇上，我看到人們發表文章，征求他們對類似癡迷的忠告。

現在，事情看起來有些清楚。你可能認為我需要咨詢治療師來治療我的這種強制行為。我想完全一樣，直到我發現另一個隱藏的模式，完全震撼了我。

有一天，我正因為沖動購買懊悔而返回最新的MacBook Pro（至少我是這么認為的），突然有一道亮光擊中了我。我發現，在我購買筆記本電腦之前，有一件事是很常見的：我的生活中出現了某種危機，尤其是情緒上的沮喪。這是關鍵，改變了我看待這種不斷購買昂貴筆記本電腦的強制行為的方式。

由于我的個性，我的每次購買，會驅使我的大腦榨取最后一滴果汁，電腦對我來說是一個長期的個人私有物品。這兩者的結合，使我的大腦全速旋轉，一到三天都不會停止。

現在，我想每個人都清楚，我每一次購買筆記本電腦的沖動，都是一種逃避機制，以避免我前一天遭受的疼痛和傷口。我沒有找到一個合適的方法來對待他們，因為缺乏情感和技能，我只是把自己融入了一個新的筆記本電腦的決策過程中。我的決策，對腦力而言，是如此的沉重，所以我沒有時間或精力去思考其他的事情。此外，也沒有“逃生”的標簽寫在它上面，它就像玩電子游戲，或馬拉松跑、肥皂劇等一樣耗神了。現在，如果你會原諒我，我會去玩一些游戲，用我的新戴爾XPS 15筆記本電腦，我寫這篇文章用的也是它。

Decision-making, a highly disguised escape

Urban legend tells that the escape we tend to use in our life is what we find pleasant and enjoyable. Thus, it is the main reason that why we are so engaged in our escape instead of working on the real issues in our lives. However, I would disagree.

Let me show you why the painstaking decision-making process we experience in life could very well be an escape as well.

The danger of this urban myth is so obvious. If we are very convinced that an escape is a pleasant obsession that we are unable to be rid of, we’ll then think that we are confronting the real issue as long as the current experience is not enjoyable. Although there’s some truth in this theory, it is very far from getting the whole picture.

All started when I was very young, between 11 and 12 years old.

My family bought our very first home computer with powerful components of that era. Since then, I’m obsessed with computer hardware. When I got to high school, our computer got really old and I dreamt getting newer and more powerful laptops. I would read computer magazines all the time, checking the advertisements and the most to date configurations, and visualizing what I would do once I got them. Until today, I would constantly check the IT news websites everyday even at work.

So far, looks that there’s nothing abnormal, right? Hold on, there’s more.

I think you can all relate that the more you look at something, the more you want to get hold on them. This is exactly how the consumer electronic industry works. Do you really need all that gadgets you got? Do you really need to update every year? The answer, as much as we don’t like it, is no. So, my obsession goes beyond simply checking the newest PC products but planning to buy them all the time. When it comes to serval thousand euros purchasing decision for a new laptop, I would spend a lot of time comparing and analyzing the better choices on the market. And naturally, I have the urge to buy a new product a bit too often.

To give you an example, for the past 2 years, I pulled the trigger for no less than 5 or 6 brand-new laptops from Apple, Thinkpad, and Dell, etc. You may think that this is way too much PC shopping for such a short time. I totally agree with you, except that I have returned all of them thanks to no hassle return policy these days.

Now things are getting a bit out of control, right? At first, I thought that this was some sort of compulsory behavior that I’ll have to deal with properly. Sometime later, I thought that I might have a computer hardware addiction, I even sought help online, to see if there’re other people just like me. To my great surprise, on some geek-oriented forums, I do see people posting article asking for advice over their similar obsession.

Now, things look somewhat clear. You may think that what I need was to consult a therapist to treat this compulsory behavior of mine. I thought exactly the same, until I discovered another hidden pattern that completely shocked me.

One day, I was returning the latest Macbook Pro due to impulse buy remorse (or at least I thought so), a light suddenly hit me. I saw that there was one thing in common before each impulse laptop purchase that I made: I had some sort of crisis in my life, especially emotional frustration. And this is the key realization that has changed my way of viewing this so called compulsory behavior of constantly buying expensive laptops.

Due to my personality, each purchase I make would drive my brain to squeeze the last drop of its juice, and computers are a long term personal fetish for me. So the combination of these two makes my brain turn at full speed none stop exclusive on this subject for 1 to 3 days.

Now I think it’s clear for everyone that each of my impulse shopping for laptops was an escape mechanism for me to avoid the pain and wound I received just the day before. Instead of find a way to treat them properly, due to lack of emotional skills, I just merged myself in a perfect escape of decision-making process of shopping a new laptop. It is so taxing on brain power so I didn’t have any time or strength to think about anything else. Moreover, it does not have the label of “escape” written all over it like playing video games, or marathon run of soap opera, etc.

Now, if you would excuse me, I’ll go play some games on my brand new Dell XPS 15 laptop that I wrote this article on.

《情緒管理十二講》

巴黎雷歐 著

原書名：Paris gold Key（巴黎金鑰匙）

Léo Paris 巴黎雷歐 著

Paris2019

內容簡介

這是一本從非常別致的角度解析情緒管理的著作，是從作者的系列心理學講座中挑選出來的。巴黎雷歐（李由、任由之）的系列心理學講座，在法國、美國青年中頗受歡迎，特試譯為中文版本。

巴黎雷歐著有《跨國公司內部談判效益論析》（法文版）《法國現代書畫藝術評論》（英文版3卷）和《雷歐帶你認識法國》《雷歐帶你認識巴黎》等書籍。

由于巴黎雷歐現系巴黎遠東文化藝術協會負責人，巴黎遠東藝術館、巴黎雷歐珍寶館和多種媒體及版權交易機構負責人，非常繁忙，所以此譯本尚未得巴黎雷歐先生審閱，特此說明。

情緒管理十二講LéoParis –巴黎雷歐 目錄

（中文譯本未經巴黎雷歐審閱）

第一講 輕松成功，有秘訣嗎？

第二講 給你的“自律”放個假

第三講 決策，可能是偽裝的逃避

第四講 成功的關鍵在于效率

第五講 毒性人格，為何不能正常詮釋

第六講 情感脫節，一個危險的癥狀

第七講 情緒化，恰恰是因為缺乏感性

第八講 強烈感覺與自我意識

第九講 治愈厭倦，參與周圍的環境

第十講 不要讓你喜歡的東西殺死你

第十一講 社交障礙治療——消除隔離

第十二講 樂趣和成功之間的差距

Paris gold Key

巴黎金鑰匙

Léo Paris

Catalog

Catalog

Key to success with ease

Give your poor self-discipline a break

Decision-making, a highly disguised escape

Key to success with efficiency

Toxic personality, why some people are impossible to reason with

Disconnected of one’s emotion, the real symptoms

One is extremely moody because he is NOT emotional

Open mindedness and self-awareness

Cure to boredom, engage the environment around you

DON’T find something that you love and let it kill you

Social accessibility, one major cure for social isolation

The gap between having fun and being successful

著者簡介

巴黎雷歐（Léo Paris），曾用名李由，任由之，巴黎大學國際經濟研究生畢業，曾任通用電氣公司歐亞總部經理及新浪歐洲財經特邀記者，著有《晨曦集》《在成長》《跨國公司內部談判》（法）《情緒管理十二講》（法）《遠東文化藝術》（法）《巴黎雷歐藝術評論》（法，3卷）《簡明國際商務》（考研輔導用書）《國際談判哲學》（法）《國際談判實務》（華）等。

巴黎雷歐