巴黎雷歐《情緒管理十二講》第八講 強烈感覺與自我意識 [原創]

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巴黎雷歐《情緒管理十二講》第八講 強烈感覺與自我意識 [原創]

第八講 強烈感覺與自我意識

多年來，我討厭那種真人秀電視節目，他們在街上惡作劇，對人們進行惡作劇。當我小的時候，偶爾我會在電視上看這類外國真人秀節目。我爸爸每次都會教給我西方人在看這些節目的時候更開放有趣的想法。起初我覺得很有意思。但我不記得從什么時候開始，看這類節目對我來說成了一種痛苦。

你可能會說，這不是什么大不了的事，因為每個人都有他或她的娛樂品味。我向你保證，這正是我所想的，直到一個新的認識發生。請看我的故事。我來到法國的一所商學院攻讀碩士學位。在法國的商學院校園里，人們往往會有豐富多彩的社交生活。所以，我結交了各種各樣的朋友。我們一起上課，最重要的是我們一起聚會。我還被評定為班長，也就是各種膚色的代表。當我們不得不為一門課程做一個演示時，轉折點就來到了。有些人準備得很好，結果表現優異。然而，有些人做得并不好。由于這是一門在法國的校園里教的英語課程，一半的學生已經在努力學習這門語言了。此外，一些只搞團伙聚會的動物在來上課之前沒有做任何準備，所以他們不得不在被逼無奈的時候臨時湊合，即興表演。我們可以看到，這顯然不是給教授留下深刻印象的理想方式。

到目前為止，這都屬于正常的大學生活，對吧？我們都在那里，幾乎都屬于這兩類學生中的一個。要么你幾乎一整夜都在盡力,準備你的演講，要么你整晚都在聚會，第二天給全班同學一個有趣的笑聲。可是，我所感受到的并不是我班上一些同學的優異表現。看到同伴那么糟糕，仍然能和你進入同一所學校，這讓我很難過。但真正的震撼是，意識到我很不安地看著別人在公共場合尷尬和自欺欺人，在公眾面前出丑。看著那樣的演出，我感到身體不舒服，我想阻止自己把那些事情看得非常糟糕非常嚴重。

離那一天很久以后，這個問題仍然在我腦海中回蕩。為什么我那么心煩？為什么我那么沮喪？更糟糕的是，這似乎與我對一開始所討論的真人秀節目的不良感覺有關。有一段時間，我認為原因是顯而易見的：我是一個很好的人，我對那些忍受著艱難的社會處境的人抱有極大的同情。然而，了解我自己，我很難直言不諱地說我有很多同情心。我成長在這樣一種文化中，扶起一個在街上跌到的長輩可能會給你帶來數百萬的債務，因為他們會訛詐你，聲稱你是第一個把他們打倒的人。在一般家庭中，兒童所受的第一次教育是在相似的事情發生時保持距離。因此，當這一切發生在我的生活中時，我不能斷言我是一個有同情心的人。

所以，這不是同情，因為我不為那些讓自己尷尬和難堪的人感到難過。為什么我心煩？為什么我沮喪？答案對我一直是回避的，直到最近我才回答了這個問題。我在做一些關于有毒人格的研究，其中一個關鍵概念是自我意識。我舉了一個例子：一個蹣跚學步的孩子在看到另一個孩子摔倒在地或被割傷時會哭。這不是同情在發揮作用，而是缺乏自我意識。一個蹣跚學步的孩子會意識到他或她是另一個孩子跌倒或割傷的接受者，因為世界和他的自我之間沒有明確的界限。突然間，一切都變得有意義了。我的答案是，我沒有足夠的自我意識，來充分接受我在這些場合中扮演的觀眾角色。如果沒有適當的自我意識，強調自我與周圍的事物的相對獨立性，人們會感到他所看到的是他或她自身的一部分。所以對我來說,別人在舞臺上尷尬和難堪，好像自己也在舞臺上出汗，被全班人嘲笑。

這也解釋了為什么有些人傾向于對一些與自己無關的東西有非常強烈的看法，這也可以稱之為密切相關的思想。最常見的例子，我能想到的是“LGBT”。 坦率地說，其他成年人的性取向，對于一個理智健全和個性獨立的人來說是完全不相干的。然而, 如果沒有足夠的自我意識, 被目擊的東西會被認為是他或她自我的一部分。既然他把每件事都看作自己的一部分，當然有很多是不能容忍或接受的。我是這樣的，所以你可能是相似的。

Open mindedness and self-awareness

For many years I hated the kind of reality TV shows in which they pull off pranks to people in the streets. When I was little, occasionally I would watch this sort of foreign reality shows on TV. My dad would preach me each time the idea that western people are more open and fun while we watched these programs. I found it funny at first. But I couldn’t remember since when, watching this sort of show started to become a suffering for me.

You may say that it is not a big deal as each person has his or her taste for entertainment. I assure you that this was exactly what I thought until one realization occurred. So here’s my story. I came to a business school in France to study for my master’s degree. One tends to have a very colorful social life on campus in business school here in France. So, I made all sorts of friends. We took classes together, and most importantly we partied together. The turning point arrived when we had to do a presentation by work group for one course. Some fellows came well prepared and it resulted in excellent performance. However, some guys were doing not that well. As this was a course in English taught in a campus in France, half of the students were already struggling with the language. In addition, some party animals managed to do nothing before coming to class so they had to improvise while being hang over. We can see it is clearly not an ideal way to impress the professor.

So far, normal college life, right? We’ve all been there, done that. We almost all fall into one of these two categories of students. Either you work hard all night and gives eye-dropping presentation, or you party all night and gives everyone in class a good laugh the next day. What struck me that day, was not the stunning bad performance that some of my classmates had managed to pull off. Although it hurts a lot to see that your fellows can be that bad and still managed to enter the same school as you, the real shock was the realization that I was upset watching other people embarrassing and making a fool of themselves in public. I felt physically uncomfortable to see that scene and I wanted to block myself from what was happening up there so badly.

Long after that day, the question was still turning around in my head. Why was I that upset? What’s more, this seems to be linked to my bad feeling towards the reality TV shows discussed at the beginning. For some time, I thought that the reason was obvious: I’m such a nice person that I have a huge compassion for those people who are enduring a difficult social situation. However, knowing myself, it was very hard to outright lie to myself saying that I have a lot of compassion. I grew up in a culture where helping fallen elders to get up in the street would probably get you millions of debts as they would con you and claim that you were the one who knocked them down in the first place. In average household, children’s first education would be to keep distance when similar things happen. Thus, I couldn’t claim that I was a compassionate one when all this happened in my life.

So, it was not sympathy, as I don’t feel sorry for the ones who embarrass themselves. Why was I so upset? The answer stayed evasive to me until very recently. I was doing some research on toxic personality and one of the key concepts is self-awareness. I cited an example: a toddler would cry when he or she sees another child fall on the ground or get cut. It’s not sympathy which is in play but a lack of self-awareness here. A toddler would perceive that he or she is the receiver of the fall or cut on the other child as there is no clear boundary between the world and the self. All of sudden, everything makes sense. The answer to my question was that I don’t have enough self-awareness to fully embrace my role as audience in these occasions. Without proper self-awareness who emphasizes the independence of the self from what’s going on around it, the person will feel that what he sees are part of him or her. So for me, I was mentally on the stage as well, sweating, getting laughed at by the whole class.

This would also explain why some people tend to have such strong opinions towards something not even remotely relevant to themselves, which can also be called close mindedness. The most common example that I could think of would be the LGBT movement. Frankly speaking, the sexual orientation of some other adult is completely irrelevant for a sane and independent person. However, without sufficient self-awareness, what is being witnessed are interpreted as part of self. Since he sees everything as himself, of course there’re so many things that cannot be tolerated or accepted. Because I am so, therefore you shall not be different.

《情緒管理十二講》

巴黎雷歐 著

原書名：Paris gold Key（巴黎金鑰匙）

Léo Paris 巴黎雷歐 著

Paris2019

內容簡介

這是一本從非常別致的角度解析情緒管理的著作，是從作者的系列心理學講座中挑選出來的。巴黎雷歐（李由、任由之）的系列心理學講座，在法國、美國青年中頗受歡迎，特試譯為中文版本。

巴黎雷歐著有《跨國公司內部談判效益論析》（法文版）《法國現代書畫藝術評論》（英文版3卷）和《雷歐帶你認識法國》《雷歐帶你認識巴黎》等書籍。

由于巴黎雷歐現系巴黎遠東文化藝術協會負責人，巴黎遠東藝術館、巴黎雷歐珍寶館和多種媒體及版權交易機構負責人，非常繁忙，所以此譯本尚未得巴黎雷歐先生審閱，特此說明。

情緒管理十二講LéoParis –巴黎雷歐 目錄

（中文譯本未經巴黎雷歐審閱）

第一講 輕松成功，有秘訣嗎？

第二講 給你的“自律”放個假

第三講 決策，可能是偽裝的逃避

第四講 成功的關鍵在于效率

第五講 毒性人格，為何不能正常詮釋

第六講 情感脫節，一個危險的癥狀

第七講 情緒化，恰恰是因為缺乏感性

第八講 強烈感覺與自我意識

第九講 治愈厭倦，參與周圍的環境

第十講 不要讓你喜歡的東西殺死你

第十一講 社交障礙治療——消除隔離

第十二講 樂趣和成功之間的差距

Paris gold Key

巴黎金鑰匙

Léo Paris

Catalog

Catalog

Key to success with ease

Give your poor self-discipline a break

Decision-making, a highly disguised escape

Key to success with efficiency

Toxic personality, why some people are impossible to reason with

Disconnected of one’s emotion, the real symptoms

One is extremely moody because he is NOT emotional

Open mindedness and self-awareness

Cure to boredom, engage the environment around you

DON’T find something that you love and let it kill you

Social accessibility, one major cure for social isolation

The gap between having fun and being successful

著者簡介

巴黎雷歐（Léo Paris），曾用名李由，任由之，巴黎大學國際經濟研究生畢業，曾任通用電氣公司歐亞總部經理及新浪歐洲財經特邀記者，著有《晨曦集》《在成長》《跨國公司內部談判》（法）《情緒管理十二講》（法）《遠東文化藝術》（法）《巴黎雷歐藝術評論》（法，3卷）《簡明國際商務》（考研輔導用書）《國際談判哲學》（法）《國際談判實務》（華）等。

巴黎雷歐