巴黎雷歐《情緒管理十二講》第十講 不要讓你喜歡的東西殺死你 [原創(chuàng)]

后山學(xué)派楊元相、鴻翎[臺(tái)]、劉晉元、時(shí)勇軍、桂越然[美]、李閩山、章英薈、楊瑾、李意敏等誠(chéng)摯推薦

巴黎雷歐《情緒管理十二講》第十講 不要讓你喜歡的東西殺死你 [原創(chuàng)]

第十講 不要讓你喜歡的東西殺死你

我不太確定這種情況是否普遍。但我逐漸明白，在我生命中的大部分時(shí)間里，我總是有一種奉獻(xiàn)精神。讓我很快地說(shuō)出來(lái)：它并不總是相同的，而且?guī)缀鯖](méi)有任何邏輯。

這是一種有趣的說(shuō)法，我在生活中的奉獻(xiàn)已經(jīng)隨著時(shí)間的推移發(fā)生了很大變化。從小學(xué)開(kāi)始，我被一位同學(xué)介紹給街機(jī)視頻游戲，開(kāi)始了我和整個(gè)視頻游戲之間的愛(ài)與恨的關(guān)系，直到今天。在初中和高中期間，雖然我必須努力學(xué)習(xí)，但我的心始終被鎖定在電子游戲中。你可能認(rèn)為這不是人們通常把奉獻(xiàn)定義為概念的方式，請(qǐng)先聽(tīng)聽(tīng)我的意見(jiàn)。我不介意做其他事情而不是游戲。我仍然在課堂上花費(fèi)了大量的時(shí)間，進(jìn)行必要的學(xué)習(xí)，并與我的同伴交往，進(jìn)行社交活動(dòng)。然而，我沒(méi)有通過(guò)這些活動(dòng)獲得任何滿足感或目的感。我的頭腦總是圍繞著以下問(wèn)題轉(zhuǎn)：我什么時(shí)候可以玩游戲，我怎樣才能做得更好，我怎樣才能把這個(gè)變成我一生要做的一件事情？

我的生活目標(biāo)，以及我的存在感，在很大程度上取決于當(dāng)時(shí)玩的電子游戲。如果這不是所謂的奉獻(xiàn)，我不太清楚它的確切名稱是什么，因?yàn)椤鞍V迷”分量太輕了。舉個(gè)例子，讓你們明白我的意思——把游戲變成“生意”： 在我上高中的那些年里，我想要玩游戲的惟一方法就是去網(wǎng)吧。如果你整夜玩，他們會(huì)有促銷優(yōu)惠。因此，我們通常會(huì)在晚上20:00到達(dá)，通宵達(dá)旦，玩電子游戲直到第二天早上7：00，因?yàn)檫@樣付款會(huì)便宜很多。當(dāng)時(shí)一些網(wǎng)吧沒(méi)有自動(dòng)管理系統(tǒng)。所以經(jīng)理必須記下你來(lái)的時(shí)間以及你使用電腦的時(shí)間。我經(jīng)常訪問(wèn)的網(wǎng)吧之一就是這樣的。我會(huì)在下午晚些時(shí)候來(lái)，找一臺(tái)電腦玩。過(guò)夜后，當(dāng)其他人早上7點(diǎn)左右離開(kāi)時(shí)，我會(huì)繼續(xù)玩。最后，在深夜的第二天，在超過(guò)24小時(shí)沒(méi)有停止的視頻游戲之后，我終于要結(jié)賬離開(kāi)了。有趣的情形出現(xiàn)了，因?yàn)闆](méi)有人會(huì)像我一樣做這樣的事情，而且我在那里的時(shí)候，員工至少換了三班，他們沒(méi)有人會(huì)想到檢查一下昨天的日志。他們會(huì)猶豫，不想表明他們不確定我什么時(shí)候來(lái)，最后做出最好的猜測(cè)，通常是2個(gè)小時(shí)，因?yàn)閷?duì)于一個(gè)高中生來(lái)說(shuō)，這似乎是一個(gè)很好的游戲時(shí)間段。

大學(xué)生活給過(guò)去已經(jīng)形成的游戲模式帶來(lái)了變化。在大學(xué)一年級(jí)的時(shí)候，我仍然做大量的游戲。相當(dāng)多，每天最少幾個(gè)小時(shí)。然而，我第一次親身體驗(yàn)到了我現(xiàn)在所知道的倦怠。我對(duì)電子游戲感到厭煩，因?yàn)槲彝娴锰嗔恕Ｎ覜Q定休息一下。開(kāi)始休息的時(shí)候很糟糕，因?yàn)橹暗募で橄Я耍暗姆瞰I(xiàn)不見(jiàn)了。我經(jīng)常沮喪，不是因?yàn)槲也荒茉偻媪耍且驗(yàn)槲也幌朐偻媪恕Ｔ诮?jīng)歷了這次蕭條之后的一段時(shí)間，我發(fā)現(xiàn)了另一項(xiàng)活動(dòng)，它再次點(diǎn)燃了我內(nèi)心的火焰：健身。我和清華園里一些最好的朋友一起發(fā)現(xiàn)了它，毫不猶豫地，我們給自己開(kāi)了個(gè)健身會(huì)員卡，并開(kāi)始鍛煉身體。我會(huì)不斷思考如何做得更好，如何訓(xùn)練，如何吃飯，如何睡覺(jué)，補(bǔ)充哪些食品。以前我花那么多時(shí)間在游戲雜志和論壇上，它們都被健身內(nèi)容所取代了。我們每天都訓(xùn)練，決定在校園外一起租房子，這樣我們就可以為健美運(yùn)動(dòng)員做適當(dāng)?shù)娘埐恕Ｎ覀兠刻於加?xùn)練不停。一年后，我獲得了第二個(gè)健身會(huì)員資格，用于更先進(jìn)的設(shè)備和游泳池。那時(shí)，我的人生目標(biāo)是訓(xùn)練、成長(zhǎng)、進(jìn)步、快樂(lè)。每天下午，我都會(huì)和我的隊(duì)友一起在我們都有會(huì)員資格的第一個(gè)健身房里鍛煉。我們會(huì)在最后一次呼吸中戰(zhàn)勝自己。然后我們回家吃飯。我的同伴會(huì)學(xué)習(xí)，社交等。然而，我會(huì)默默地抓住我的第二張健身房會(huì)員卡，并開(kāi)始我自己的額外訓(xùn)練，用更高端的方式改善自我，在游泳池里做我的有氧運(yùn)動(dòng)。我會(huì)在23點(diǎn)回到家，再吃一頓飯。這種情況持續(xù)了將近三年。在這段時(shí)間里，我的大腦一直在思考一個(gè)問(wèn)題：我該如何轉(zhuǎn)職業(yè)？最終的結(jié)果是：我的消化系統(tǒng)部分受損，我的肩膀因?yàn)榈径蹟啵业挠抑庠谶^(guò)于沉重的臥推中折斷，而且，身體狀況很差。

重復(fù)，過(guò)量，失去興趣和動(dòng)機(jī)。當(dāng)這種奉獻(xiàn)也不復(fù)存在時(shí)，不可避免的沮喪又來(lái)了。為了對(duì)抗它，我傾向于浪漫。 作為一個(gè)像我這樣魯莽的年輕小伙子，當(dāng)然這是非常錯(cuò)誤的。然后，我試圖回到游戲，不幸的是我仍然無(wú)法忍受它。由于缺乏奉獻(xiàn)精神，每天早上不想起床的斗爭(zhēng)非常真實(shí)和激烈。

很快，幾年后，我已經(jīng)來(lái)到法國(guó)了。為了對(duì)抗我的社交焦慮，我決定去跳舞。我去了一家薩爾薩俱樂(lè)部。我意識(shí)到，我應(yīng)該先說(shuō)好法語(yǔ)才能理解舞蹈講義。我開(kāi)始努力學(xué)習(xí)法語(yǔ)，并用英語(yǔ)搜索初級(jí)班。我找到了一個(gè)！生命力再次充滿了我的身體。我會(huì)在夢(mèng)中跳舞。早上醒來(lái)的第一件事，就是練習(xí)我最近學(xué)到的舞蹈動(dòng)作。當(dāng)我的法語(yǔ)學(xué)得足夠好時(shí)，我搬到舞蹈俱樂(lè)部附近，獲得了俱樂(lè)部會(huì)員資格，我還在不同的學(xué)校購(gòu)買了舞蹈課程。我跳舞跳舞，每天從20點(diǎn)到深夜都不停。這種情況持續(xù)了兩年。我從最笨拙的局外人到俱樂(lè)部里最有名的舞蹈家，成為班主任和客座教授。與此同時(shí)，和在這段時(shí)間我遇到的朋友創(chuàng)建了一個(gè)舞蹈協(xié)會(huì)，我們招募，訓(xùn)練，組織了很多節(jié)目和演出。從第二年年底起，我就開(kāi)始在巴黎的舞臺(tái)上表演，為老人家、兒童醫(yī)院、年終慶祝活動(dòng)以及巴黎市政廳的公共活動(dòng)演出。到第三年底，我成了一名真正的舞蹈教授。第四年是絕對(duì)的高峰。我們與我所屬俱樂(lè)部的主要成員組成了一個(gè)小組，與古巴的一所著名舞蹈學(xué)校達(dá)成了友好交流協(xié)議。我們?nèi)チ四抢铮瑸槠趦芍埽瑢W(xué)習(xí)，跳舞和玩樂(lè)，非常開(kāi)心。這次旅行的標(biāo)志，以我和我的舞伴在古巴圣地亞哥音樂(lè)之家來(lái)自世界各地的200多人面前表演的舞蹈為特征。我告訴你，當(dāng)時(shí)我在舞臺(tái)上，在聚光燈下，感覺(jué)真的棒極了。

我想你已經(jīng)看到了即將到來(lái)的事情，多年的深夜舞蹈，讓我的身體垮了下來(lái)。一天早上，突然之間，我不想再跳舞了。我當(dāng)時(shí)是舞蹈課的教授，完成了這個(gè)學(xué)期的教學(xué)，然后掛起舞鞋，沮喪又開(kāi)始了。

生活的清單在繼續(xù)。

關(guān)鍵是，不要像我那樣做。多維度地嘗試豐富你在生活中的事情，把你的注意力集中到更多的邊界上，并平衡您的活動(dòng)，從而使您保持穩(wěn)定和靈感。請(qǐng)不要尋找到你喜歡的東西，讓它殺死你，因?yàn)樗鼛?lái)的惡果的可能會(huì)比你期望的更快。

小心點(diǎn)，伙計(jì)們。

DON’T find something that you love and let it kill you

I’m not quite sure if this is common. But I’ve come to understand that for the majority of my life, I always have sort of a devotion. Let me just speak it out really quickly: it is NOT always the same thing, and there’s hardly any logic to it. There, I said it.

It’s is kind of funny to say that my devotions in life have changed quite a bit over time. From later on in primary school, I was introduced to arcade video games by one of my classmates. This has started a love and hate relationship between me and video games as a whole till this very day. During middle school and high school, although I had to study very hard, my heart was always locked on to video games. You may think that this is not how people usually define devotion as a concept, but hear me out first. I didn’t mind doing other things than gaming. I still spent a decent amount of time in classroom, doing the necessary work and socializing with my mates. However, I didn’t get any satisfaction or sense of purpose by any of these activities. My mind would revolve around the following questions all the time: when can I game, how could I do better, how could I make this the one thing that I’ll do for my life?

My purpose of life, and my the very sense of existence, was highly dependent on playing video games at that time. If this is not called devotion, I don’t quite know what would be a proper name for it, because obsession would be too light of a word. To name one example for you to see I mean business: back in the years I was in senior high school, the only way I could play the games I want was to go to cyber cafe. They have a promotional deal if you play all night long. So we would normally arrive at 20:00 in the evening, take the all nighter pass and play video games till 7:00 next morning as it was a lot cheaper. Some cyber cafes back then did not have automatic management system. So the manager had to note down the time you came and how long you have used the computer on a notebook. One of the cyber cafes that I visited a lot was like this. I would came in the late afternoon, get a computer and play. After the all nighter, when all other people left around 7:00 in the morning, I would continue to play. Finally, at late night the 2nd day, after more than 24 hours none stop playing, I would finally ask for the bill and leave. Here comes the interesting part, since really nobody would do such things like me, and the employees have changed at least 3 shifts during the time I was there, nobody would think to check the log of yesterday. They would hesitate, not want to show that they were unsure of when I came, and finally give their best guess, which would normally be 2 hours, as that seemed to be a good amount of playing time for a high school student.

Then college life has indeed brought changes to the pattern which has worked out so well before. I still kept doing a fair amount of gaming in my freshman year. By a fair amount, I meant to say several hours each day minimum. However, this was the first time that I intensively experienced what I know now as burn-outs. I grew so sick of video games because that I played so much all the time. I decided to take break. The beginning of the break was terrible, with the previous devotion gone, I was constantly depressed, not because I couldn’t play any more but because I didn’t want to play anymore. Some time after this depression, I found another activity that rekindled my inner fire: body building. I discovered it with some of my best buddies on campus, within no hesitation we got ourselves a gym membership and started pumping iron. I would constantly think about how to do better, how to train, how to eat, how to sleep, which supplement to take. Before I used to spend so much time on game magazines and forums, but at that time they were all replaced by body building contents. We trained everyday, decided to rent a house together outside the campus so that we could cook ourselves proper meals for bodybuilders. We trained everyday none stop. A year later I got myself a 2nd gym membership for more advanced equipments and a swimming pool. At that time, the purpose of my life was to train, to grow bigger and better, and be happy. Each afternoon, I would pump iron with my mates in the first gym that we all have membership. We would beat ourselves to the last breathe. Then we came home, ate diner. My mates would then study, socialize, etc. However, I would silently grab my second gym membership card, and start my own additional training, to refine my movement with higher end gears, to do my cardio in the swimming pool. I would came back home at 23:00 and then take another meal. This lasted for almost 3 years. During this time, my brain was thinking only one question constantly: how do I turn pro? The final result: I partially ruined my digestive system, my shoulder snapped from butterfly swimming and my right elbow snapped from too heavy bench press with poor form.

Again, over dose, lost of interest, and of motivation. The inevitable depression came again when this devotion was gone too. To fight against it, I tended to romance. As a reckless young lad like me at that time, of course it went horribly wrong. I then tried to go back to gaming, unfortunately I still couldn’t stand it then. That struggle of not wanting to get out of bed each morning due to lack of devotion more was so real and intense.

Fast forward some years, I have already come to France. To combat my social anxiety, I decided to pick up dancing. I went to a salsa club which offered classes at that time. That was the moment I realized that I should first speak French to understand the dance professor. After the first failure, I started to learn French diligently and searched for beginner classes in English. I’ve found one! Life force was again filled my body. I would dance in my dream. The first thing when I woke up in the morning, was to practice the most recent dance moves that I learned. When my French got better enough, I moved near the dance club and got the club membership, I also bought dance classes at different schools. I danced and danced, everyday from 20h till mid-night none stop. This lasted for 2 years. I went from the most awkward outsider to the most known dancer at the club, to the lead of class and to substitute professor. Meanwhile, with people I met during this time, we created a dance association, we recruited, trained and finally we organized many shows. From the end of year 2, I start to perform on stage in Paris, for senior homes, children hospital, end of year celebrations, and public events for city hall of Paris. By the end of 3rd year, I became a professor with my dancing partner at that time. The 4th year was the absolute peak. With the key members of the club to which I belong, we formed a group and scored a friendly exchange agreement with one of the famous dancing schools in Cuba. We went there, for 2 weeks, to learn, to dance and to have fun. The trip was marked by a full dance I performed with my partner in front of more than 200 people from all over the world at casa de la musica santiago de cuba. I tell you, it felt awesome when I was on stage, under the spotlight.

I think you saw what’s coming, years of dancing late into the night has put my body down. One morning, all of a sudden, I didn’t want to dance any more. I finished the semester at the dance class of which I was professor at the time and then I hanged my dancing shoes, while the depression started to kick-in.

The list goes on and on.

The point is, do not do like I did. Try to be rich in what you do in life, be multi-dimensional. Divide your attention to more frontiers and balance your activities so that you would be stable and inspired. Please DON’T find something that you love and let it kill you, because it would probably kill you a lot sooner than you expect.

Take care guys.

《情緒管理十二講》

巴黎雷歐 著

原書(shū)名：Paris gold Key（巴黎金鑰匙）

Léo Paris 巴黎雷歐 著

Paris2019

內(nèi)容簡(jiǎn)介

這是一本從非常別致的角度解析情緒管理的著作，是從作者的系列心理學(xué)講座中挑選出來(lái)的。巴黎雷歐（李由、任由之）的系列心理學(xué)講座，在法國(guó)、美國(guó)青年中頗受歡迎，特試譯為中文版本。

巴黎雷歐著有《跨國(guó)公司內(nèi)部談判效益論析》（法文版）《法國(guó)現(xiàn)代書(shū)畫(huà)藝術(shù)評(píng)論》（英文版3卷）和《雷歐帶你認(rèn)識(shí)法國(guó)》《雷歐帶你認(rèn)識(shí)巴黎》等書(shū)籍。

由于巴黎雷歐現(xiàn)系巴黎遠(yuǎn)東文化藝術(shù)協(xié)會(huì)負(fù)責(zé)人，巴黎遠(yuǎn)東藝術(shù)館、巴黎雷歐珍寶館和多種媒體及版權(quán)交易機(jī)構(gòu)負(fù)責(zé)人，非常繁忙，所以此譯本尚未得巴黎雷歐先生審閱，特此說(shuō)明。

情緒管理十二講LéoParis –巴黎雷歐 目錄

（中文譯本未經(jīng)巴黎雷歐審閱）

第一講 輕松成功，有秘訣嗎？

第二講 給你的“自律”放個(gè)假

第三講 決策，可能是偽裝的逃避

第四講 成功的關(guān)鍵在于效率

第五講 毒性人格，為何不能正常詮釋

第六講 情感脫節(jié)，一個(gè)危險(xiǎn)的癥狀

第七講 情緒化，恰恰是因?yàn)槿狈Ω行?/p>

第八講 強(qiáng)烈感覺(jué)與自我意識(shí)

第九講 治愈厭倦，參與周圍的環(huán)境

第十講 不要讓你喜歡的東西殺死你

第十一講 社交障礙治療——消除隔離

第十二講 樂(lè)趣和成功之間的差距

Paris gold Key

巴黎金鑰匙

Léo Paris

Catalog

Catalog

Key to success with ease

Give your poor self-discipline a break

Decision-making, a highly disguised escape

Key to success with efficiency

Toxic personality, why some people are impossible to reason with

Disconnected of one’s emotion, the real symptoms

One is extremely moody because he is NOT emotional

Open mindedness and self-awareness

Cure to boredom, engage the environment around you

DON’T find something that you love and let it kill you

Social accessibility, one major cure for social isolation

The gap between having fun and being successful

著者簡(jiǎn)介

巴黎雷歐（Léo Paris），曾用名李由，任由之，巴黎大學(xué)國(guó)際經(jīng)濟(jì)研究生畢業(yè)，曾任通用電氣公司歐亞總部經(jīng)理及新浪歐洲財(cái)經(jīng)特邀記者，著有《晨曦集》《在成長(zhǎng)》《跨國(guó)公司內(nèi)部談判》（法）《情緒管理十二講》（法）《遠(yuǎn)東文化藝術(shù)》（法）《巴黎雷歐藝術(shù)評(píng)論》（法，3卷）《簡(jiǎn)明國(guó)際商務(wù)》（考研輔導(dǎo)用書(shū)）《國(guó)際談判哲學(xué)》（法）《國(guó)際談判實(shí)務(wù)》（華）等。

巴黎雷歐