文/飛魚
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如果你有女兒,希望你能夠告訴女兒,在找對象的時候,不能被愛情蒙蔽了雙眼,不能讓自己降低標準,不要為了感情委屈自己。
女性清醒的婚戀觀,其實就是堅持做自己,當遇到一些不值得的人,自己就要學會拒絕,不要被對方的三言兩語欺騙,不要輕信對方的承諾,一定要看清對方的為人。
要知道,婚姻的本質(zhì),其實就是一場價值交換,勢均力敵,才不會讓自己失去底氣。
張愛玲說過,婚姻,我替你們試過了,如果人生的另一半選擇錯了,那么余生的每一步都將是錯誤的,你將經(jīng)歷世間所有的苦難,面臨艱難的抉擇。
所以,找對象的時候,更是要清醒一點,謹慎一點。
希望你能夠告訴女兒:找對象時,堅持這條底線,這才是頂級的人間清醒。
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01
該堅持的底線:不要輕易為一個人降低你原有的生活質(zhì)量
想起《歡樂頌5》中的朱喆突然接到了前男友的電話,聽對方的意思就是想要跟她復合,以結(jié)婚為目的。
朱喆非常清楚對方的為人,沒本事,脾氣還大,特別普信,特別勢利,當初就是因為他覺得朱喆的工作不體面,覺得她在酒店工作都是伺候人的,就看不起她,跟她分手了。
多年之后,他依然沒有混得好,反而打聽到朱喆事業(yè)有成,升職加薪了,就開始聯(lián)系朱喆,想要跟她結(jié)婚了。
朱喆面對他的打擾,就想出了辦法拒絕他,答應跟他見面,然后跟他算清楚了結(jié)婚需要用到多少錢,需要什么樣的生活水平,然后根據(jù)她現(xiàn)在的生活水平跟對方提出要求。
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對方就要求朱喆降低標準,讓她省吃儉用,一起存錢買房子,自然就會降低生活質(zhì)量的。
然而如今的朱喆,其實自己已經(jīng)有了房子,收入不錯,每個月都能夠活得很體面,自己想要買什么都能夠滿足自己的需求。
如果跟他結(jié)婚,那么她的生活質(zhì)量無法保障,甚至還要倒貼,所以,朱喆堅決拒絕他。
因此,也提醒所有的女性,不要因為自己的年紀而讓自己將就跟一個人結(jié)婚。
如果你本來就過得很不錯,你有能力養(yǎng)活你自己,有能力讓自己的生活過得很好,那么在你沒有遇到那個對的人之前,你不要因為誰說你年紀大了就隨便找一個人結(jié)婚,寧愿晚婚或是不嫁,也降低自己的底線。
女性的自信,永遠都來自于的經(jīng)濟獨立和精神獨立。
女人,一定要有自己的工作事業(yè),健身,美容,自己養(yǎng)自己。千萬不要有依靠男人的想法。
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而且提醒所有的女性,有時候男人回頭找你,并不是因為多喜歡你,是因為繞了一圈之后發(fā)生你最好騙,你最好說話,你最不會拒絕,要不然都不會找你。
當你已經(jīng)變得強大之后,就不要輕易為了任何人放棄自己的底線。
在找對象的時候,一定要堅持這個底線,才是頂級的人間清醒。
特別是遇到一些人,家庭條件和能力都不如你的時候,甚至差距很大,你更是需要謹慎考慮清楚,不要輕易放低自己的姿態(tài),越是沒有錢的人家,其實事情越多。
告訴女兒,應該保持清醒一點,婚姻是很復雜的東西,不是下嫁或者上嫁這么簡單,如果單純抱定女孩決不下嫁,那么有時會錯過潛力股;如果單純看重情緒價值,那么長期接觸柴米油鹽醬醋茶后會后悔當初的自己太過天真幼稚和理想主義。拿捏好嫁娶的尺度真的很重要,否則后半生后悔無窮。
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02
說了那么多,其實我最想表達的核心就是這一點:
一、清楚婚姻的本質(zhì)
婚姻的本質(zhì)就是價值互換。
你清楚自己的條件,不高攀,但也不下嫁,找一個勢均力敵的人一起。
你自己學歷高,你也想要找高學歷的人,才覺得相匹配,那么遇到學歷不如你的人,為人還不錯,你答應接觸,但發(fā)現(xiàn)對方家庭很糟糕,你不想委屈自己,那么你選擇放棄也是明智。
反而,當對方跟你互補,跟你有價值交換,你覺得挺好,那么就是值得的。
二、明確自己的需求
結(jié)婚是為了什么,是為了自己的幸福。
如果對方有能力讓你幸福,能夠跟你同頻共振,能夠跟你一起努力,你跟他在一起是幸福的,他能夠滿足你的需求,能夠一起奔向幸福的生活,那么說明是對的人。
總之,找對象是一件很重要的事情,婚姻還是門當戶對比較好,誰也別占誰便宜,因為感情再深也抵不過油鹽醬醋,最后一地雞毛時,你會發(fā)現(xiàn)婚前叫你別談錢的那個人,婚后比你更愛錢!
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